A Study in Emotions
by Keeblo
Summary: Sherlock's gone. 3 years is all it takes to make him forget. That is until someone else comes into the picture. Craigafer Lance. Serial Sadist. Everything is changing. How are they even alive? Nothing makes sense anymore. Kidnap, torture, feelings, unnatural phenomena, you interested yet? Well darling just you come and see, cause honey i look great in angst. Post-Reichenbach Fall!
1. Memoirs of John Watson

**Chapter One:**

**The Memoirs of John Watson**

* * *

Sherlock's death had been more significant to my life than I ever thought possible. No longer could I get up without a deep pain in my chest, an empty feeling in my mind, without thinking of the slightly awkward consulting detective.

For seven long months I simply blocked out the world. I couldn't go back to the flat for over two months. When I finally opened that door and walked in, sure enough, Mrs. Hudson had greeted me with open arms. She allowed me to stay despite having been gone so long.

I started to pay rent for the flat again, which was immensely more comfortable than any hotel room, and moved back in in the sense of bringing back a small bag of clothing. During the nights, though, I would wake up in a cold sweat from a night terror. Sherlock's body going over the side of the roof, on the ground covered in blood, his grave.

One day after a rather strong reaction to the night terror, I had gone to the kitchen to fetch myself a cup of tea to soothe my nerves. As I sat in the chair facing the telly it seemed as if something was calling me. I had turned my head and spotted the way to Sherlock's room.

As if possessed by some other worldly force, I stood slowly and found my way into the genius' bedroom. I could feel the warmth of tears on my cheeks but took care to ignore them. In a matter of seconds I had dived under the covers and buried my head into one of the pillows. The scent of my old friend was still strong on his things. Surprisingly, it calmed my nerves and I fell asleep in his bed.

Everyday after that I would find my way into Sherlock's room and wander aimlessly for a few minutes before settling under the covers to dive into my dreams, Sherlock's smell enveloping me in a veil.

This continued until seven months had passed since my friend's death. That day had been the change I had been looking for, irrevocably starting a change of events that has led me to the situation in which I currently am in. It all started on a dull grey day, clouds heavy with rain, but none falling.

* * *

"John dear do you need anything from Tesco's? I'm going now." Mrs. Hudson's small frame peeked around the corner of the door.

"Nothing, thank you Mrs. Hudson." She nodded and disappeared. When the downstairs door closed with a click I turned to face the telly. With a defeated sigh, I turn off the television and wander back to Sherlock's room. Carefully, I pull up the sheets and slide under them.

Eyes closed, I reach my hand out and smile weakly when the familiar weight and feel of Sherlock's coat is back. I inhale deeply with my nose buried in the collar. The collar that once held a long neck that always seemed to be hidden with that blue scarf. That blue scarf that he seemed to only take off for me. Yes only for -_ John_ - me and no one else because Sherlock only trusted -_ John _- me. Only smiled around me. _John._

"John dear wake up, someone's here to see you." I roll over weakly and wait for my vision to focus on Mrs. Hudson's small form, "It's your friend from Scotland Yard."

"Yes, thank you Mrs. Hudson. I'll be out in a second." Mrs. Hudson nods and exits the room. I can hear her voice from down the hall followed by a deeper one. Growling, I stand and leave the room as well, socked feet shuffling over the linoleum.

"Ah, John! Just the man I wanted to see." I rub a tired eye and glare at Lestrade. He holds his hat against his chest stiffly. He takes a small step forward looking down. "I uh, I came here to give you my grievances." Lestrade coughs quietly.

"To give me your- No, NO! Get out right now! Sod this, just sod this. It has been seven months! Do you really think I could give any care for your grievances? No. GET. OUT. NOW!" Lestrade and Mrs. Hudson both seem startled at my out burst.

"John, I'm sorry I didn't mean anything by-"

"No of course not. You couldn't believe Sherlock. You had to chase him off, to run. You _soiled _his name. And for all he's done for _you._" I step forward and jam my finger into Lestrade's chest," I had to watch him _jump _from that roof and die!" Tears stream freely from my eyes and down my chin. My bottom lip trembles, my whole body beginning to shake and go into lock down. "I...I, I couldn't save him. H-he died and I c-couldn't save him. I-it's all my fault he's d-dead and, and Sherlock is dead and he's, he's." I fall to my knees shaking.

I barely register hands going around me and patting my back. Words are murmured in my ears, my head is pulled to a chest.

"I-I'm sorry I c-couldn't save you Sherlock...I'm so s-sorry..."

"Shh, it's okay John sweetie. It wasn't your fault okay. Just breath." Mrs. Hudson coos warmly. I wipe my eyes on the back of my hand and take in a large breath. "Good, good. If you could take your leave now inspector." I hear a mumbled yes ma'am followed by heavy footsteps down the stairs and out the front door.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Hudson, I don't know what came over me." Mrs. Hudson pats my back a few more times before getting up and going to the kitchen.

"Some tea should help dear." I nod, silently noting how her voice sounds hollow. A very unwelcomed, cold feeling flows over me. Sitting in Sherlock's chair I pull my knees up. It's much simpler now that I have lost most of my body mass. I no longer have the muscles or stamina from before, only an empty husk of my former self.

"Here you go darling," Mrs. Hudson hands me a hot cup of tea, "Um, John. How about you go out tonight to get some fresh air. I'm sure it'll do you good. You've been cooped up in this flat for an eternity now." I blow air over my tea nodding absently.

"Yeah, you know what, that's a great idea! I'll get ready now. Maybe if I'm lucky I can stop and grab a bite somewhere." Mrs. Hudson smiles brightly at me. I stand up quickly and make my way upstairs to get some clothing. When I come back down Mrs. Hudson is no where to be seen. I shrug it off and make my way to the bathroom to shower and shave.

When I'm finished I feel refreshed like I haven't felt for ages. I dress in dark trousers, a white button up, and a beige jumper. Taking a deep breath, I grab my jacket and exit the flat. Outside the air is crisp with a few flakes of snow.

I smile grimly and make my way down the bustling side walk. I'd nearly forgotten it was Christmas time. All of the stores are lit up with bright lights and wondrous toys and contraptions.

Memories of the last Christmas roll in waves through my mind, a frown etching deeper onto my face. That Christmas Sherlock's focus had mainly been on Irene Adler. I despised her with a passion I could only liken with relative hate. My eyes flick to a small shop with bright pictures painted on the windows. It looked as good as any so I enter.

Upon entering a vanilla and nutmeg aroma swim around me. I allow a small smile to cross my features as I walk forward to the glass counter filled with many assortments of chocolates and goods.

"Hello can I get you anything today?" The young woman behind the counter asks, flipping brown bangs from her eyes.

"Uh yes, could I get," my eyes quickly scan the menu board, "a pumpkin spice latte and small glass of eggnog?"

"Of course coming up right away." I pass the money over the counter and take a seat looking out of the large windows. Seemingly my last train of thought comes crashing back into the station.

Irene Adler. Of course she was a beautiful woman. The first time I met her she had astounded me. But then she started to take Sherlock. And then there was the meeting at the warehouse. Despite knowing she had feelings for Sherlock she had still called us a couple. It was admittedly, a very confusing moment.

"Here you go sir, have a great evening!" I smile as the brunette walks away, the smell of my coffee wafting into my nose.

"John? Is that you?" I look up from my coffee as a familiar face settles across from me.

"Sarah?" Sarah smiles at me, setting a couple of bags on the ground beside her.

"John, I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been?" Sarah's eyes soften as she leans her head on her hand.

"Oh I've been fine, how about you?" Sarah feigns curiosity, but brightens.

"Wonderful! I was just getting presents for family and friends. But," Sarah's hands clasp together on the top of the table, "it's been kind of difficult lately at the clinic." She sighs and inspects her nails silently for a moment. "I've been getting more and more patients needing counseling and it's starting to wear me thin."

I perk up slightly at this statement and try to read her expression.

"We've been looking for someone to come in and help but so far no one has shown up for the job." Sarah looks back to me, a small smile on her features.

"Is this a job offer?" I smile. She smiles back and nods.

"Only if you'd be willing to do it." Sarah runs a hand through her hair and stands. "Well, if you're interested come by tomorrow at ten. It was good seeing you again John." She grabs her bags and pats me on the shoulder before leaving. I smile again, sipping my coffee. Maybe things are starting to look up for me.

I pick up my coffee and leave the small shop. Outside it has darkened considerably. In a better mood I wander around for a while longer, stopping at a shop to get a small present for Mrs. Hudson and to buy some Christmas decorations.

"Mrs. Hudson? I've bought some Christmas decorations." I take the stairs two at a time and step inside the flat.

"Oh John! I knew some fresh air would do you good. I've got cookies in the oven right now." I stride up to my landlady and pick her up, twirling her around. "Oh my, John what's gotten into you?" We laugh for a moment in the warm living room.

"Sarah offered me a job at the clinic! Isn't that fantastic?" Mrs. Hudson claps and hugs me with surprising strength.

"Oh, I knew someday you'd come back." I get a sad smile in return. "You said you bought decorations?"

"Yes. I got a few boxes of lights, some ornaments, wrapping paper, etcetera etcetera." I take the paper bag and set it on the table in the living room, pulling out box after box of Christmas items. I leave Mrs. Hudson's gift in the bottom of the bag.

"Splendid! I've got a tree downstairs, do you want to get it?" I smile and allow Mrs. Hudson to lead me downstairs to get the tree. When we get it upstairs and set up I beam at the tall plant.

"I know it's not the real thing but I've had this tree for a very long time. Decorations?"

"It's wonderful Mrs. Hudson. Here, we can put the red and green lights on the tree and the colorful ones on the walls and windows."

Half an hour, a cup of hot chocolate, and a few cookies later we have the whole flat covered in decorations.

"Oh this is so nice John. Merry Christmas." I chuckle at my landlady's sentiment and give her a small hug.

"Merry Christmas Mrs. Hudson." After Mrs. Hudson had left and said good night I found my way back to Sherlock's room. I let exhaustion take me full force as I climb under the sheets.

"Merry Christmas Sherlock..." Sleep takes me quickly into it's firm grasp.

* * *

I wake up to an annoyingly loud alarm and turn to turn it off. Groaning I sit up, sheets tangled over my torso. On the floor my phone continues to sound the alarm I had set yesterday. Annoyed, I pick it up and turn off the alarm. 9: 32 AM. I sigh and get up, joints cracking loudly.

The kitchen still smells of the baked goods from last evening. I grab one of the cookies and grab out the bread popping it into the toaster. After I finish my quick meal I dress and leave the flat, flagging down a cab.

The ride is relatively short to the clinic. I'm soothed by the familiar smell of medicine and atmosphere as I step into the clinic.

"John! I wasn't sure you were going to make it." I smile and take Sarah's outstretched hand as she rushes towards me.

"I wouldn't miss this for the world." Sarah lets out a small sigh and nods for me to follow her. We get onto the lift and go up to the second floor.

"Okay, since I already have a file and check on you really all I'm going to do is have you do a day and see if you like it." I nod and follow as she leads me down the hallway to a wooden door. "Here we are. If you like the job this will be your office." Sarah unlocks the door and pushes it open.

Inside is spacious, bookshelves covering every wall except the one across from us which is covered in large windows. In front of the windows is a large oak desk with a black swivel chair behind it. To the left a couch for patients sits against the bookshelf, a comfortable looking chair across from it with the back to the desk.

"Wow this is...a great room." Sarah smiles as I run my fingers along the continuous bookshelf.

"I already have someone on the way to give it a small cleaning while I go fetch a patient list. I'll be back in a sec." I watch Sarah leave before going to the desk. Behind it a small refrigerator most likely for solutions used to sedate patients. I turn and push the curtains back a little more to allow more light in.

"Hello, I'm here to clean up really quickly." A woman with olive colored skin and a cascade of ringlets covering her head walks in with cleaning supplies.

"Oh um, okay I'll uh just get out of your way." I smile and stand in the center of the room.

"Okay I've got the papers. Actually I've got two but," Sarah walks in with a stack of folders and two sheets of paper. She gives me a hard look and hands me the first sheet. "That is of some patients I could give you, relatively friendly, just need weekly counseling."

"What's the other?" I scan over the paper a few times.

"One patient." I raise an eyebrow and look to see Sarah's eyebrows furrowed together, "He's probably my most stressful patient. Normally I would never give someone a patient like this but I know you and I think you could handle him." She hands me the second sheet of paper, only one name on it.

"Et-uh-monce Oliver?" Sarah chuckles and shakes her head.

"Ete-moncé Olli-vere. He has multiple personalities." I gladly take the manila folder and open it to a picture of a ginger. "He's 29, 6'2, has a history of abuse, is French, has had violent break downs. So, " Sarah lets out a large gust of air, "which would you prefer?" We hold each other's gaze for a few seconds. Sarah smiles. "Well Dr. Watson, I wish you luck." With that Sarah turned on her heel and left.

"I've swept down most of the surfaces so there's not nearly as much dust. But I will come in tonight once you are done and finish up. Have a good day doctor." I give a small wave to the girl and plop down into the swivel chair. The smell of lemon cleaner is strong in the air as I flip open the folder again and take in as much information as possible.

I jump when a knock comes from the door. My eyes shoot up to meet bright green ones.

"You must be Dr. Watson." A deep, reverberating voice comes from the lean, and very tall, ginger. I stand up and take his hand.

"And you must be E'temoncé Olivér. You can have a seat on the couch." I smile and show him to the corner of the room. I pull out my notepad and a pen, opening them at the ready.

"Moncé is fine." Moncé smiles at me. My eyes scan him quickly. Bright green eyes, looks to have curly hair under the green beanie, multitudes of freckles on nose and cheeks, slight accent, thin lips, lean, possible runner.

"Okay Moncé," I give a quick smile, " can you tell me a little about yourself? Do you go to school, hobbies, girlfriend?" The ginger lies back and stares at the ceiling, smile ever present.

"Just finished my last semester of school, I like to write, and no, no girlfriend. They're not really my area." I jot down notes and look at him.

"Oh, _oh._ Do you have a boyfriend?" Green eyes find their way to my direction.

"No I haven't really found the right guy. Besides, I'm kind of married to my work." My heart skips a beat. A memory of the first time I met Sherlock.

* * *

_"Then what do real people have then, in their real lives." Blue green eyes continue looking out of the window to the street, only momentarily passing over to me. _

_"Friends," I nod, " people they know, people they like, people they don't like..." I take a breath in through my nose, "girlfriends, boyfriends." _

_"As I was saying dull." _

_"You don't have a girlfriend then." I tried as best as possible to seem nonchalant to the man who seemed to read people like the newspaper. _

_"Girlfriend, no not really my area." _

_"Oh right." I look down quickly processing the information. "Do you have a boyfriend?" Inside I panic as the blue green eyes move to look at me. "Which is fine by the way." _

_"I know it's fine." We watch each other._

_"So you've got a boyfriend?"_

_"No."_

_"Right, okay." I chuckle quietly, those same eyes watching me carefully, calculating. "You're unattached, just like me." I look back to my food, a growing nervousness in my stomach. "Fine," I clear my throat, "good." A few moments pass in silence._

_"John, um, I think you should know that I consider myself married to my work, while I'm flattered of your interest I'm not looking for any-" _

_"No. No, no. I'm not asking, no...no. I'm just saying. It's all fine."_

_"Good."_

* * *

I blink a few times, trying to clear my head.

"So, I was told you have split personalities. Care to introduce me to some of them?" Moncé smiles and stretches out his legs.

"Well there's me, I'm the original. Nia, the seductress. She likes to try and get into people's pants. Unfortunately she's the one who comes out most." I quickly scribble down the name Nia and make a bulleted list.

"Others?"

"Yeah. There's Reggy." Moncé's eyebrows furrow. "He's violent. Rarely comes out. Everyone pitches in to hold him. Except..." The ginger sighs, "Reggy isn't the worst of my personalitites. That one would be reserved for _him._" I stop and look at Moncé confused.

"Him? Who's him?"

"Someone who's deadly. Someone who has _killed_." I suck in a breath, leaning forward.

"Who is it Moncé?" His green eyes turn towards me slowly.

"We call him Zero." I notice the vibrant green eyes begin to gain a far away look. "Even Reggy tries to help make sure he doesn't come out. He almost killed me a few times. Has killed others." I jot down notes so fast my whole arm starts going numb.

"Well...other than that there's Liam. He's kind of depressing. I think something may have happened when I was younger. Liam has hinted but he never says anything. Sometimes he cuts me but I know he doesn't mean any harm...those are all I know of." I nod and finish writing my notes.

"So, about how often do the personality switches occur?" I look up.

"When ever. Like right now, I'm sure Nia's going to come out to say hello. I can hear her loudly. So you might want to be..." Moncé sits up slowly, blinking a few times, eyes lowering and mouth stretching into a smirk.

"Hello. You must be Dr. Watson." I barely hide my surprise. Moncé's voice has risen a few octaves, sounding very feminine.

"You must be Nia." Nia crosses her legs and scoots forward.

"Very good doctor, very good." Moncé, well Nia, stands and bends over my chair. "You're very handsome Dr. Watson, maybe sometime you and I can go get a drink." Nia grabs my notebook and takes my pen, scribbling something down. "I have to go now but I'll talk to you again soon doctor." Nia straightens, blinking a few times.

"Nia?" I nod.

"She, um, gave me a number..." Moncé takes my notebook and studies the numbers.

"God she can't ever remember. It's 592, not 529." The ginger scribbles the number beneath the other. I stare for a moment.

"You're right handed. Nia, she's-"

"Left handed yes. Most of my other personalities are left handed." He hands back the notepad and pen.

"Your writing styles are also different. Nia's is dark and curved. Yours is almost like chicken scratch. Light and rapid." I allow the information to sink in for a moment. I look at my watch and stand.

"Well, it looks like our time is up. I'll uh, see you tomorrow then?"

"Yeah, I'll see you later doctor." Moncé smiles at me before taking his leave. I watch his long strides as he exits the room. Slowly I make my way back to the desk and sink into the leather. So much about this guy reminds me of Sherlock. No. I can't, I can't keep dwelling on the past. It's not helping me and it's not helping anyone else.

Those thoughts run through my head in rapid succession. I sigh. I'd never be able to forget Sherlock. _But maybe, _a voice in the back of my mind said, _someone else can help fill that void._ I look at the number in my notebook and run a tired hand over my eyes.

"Everything alright John? He wasn't too much was he?" Sarah's calm voice calls from the door.

"Oh yes, everything's good. I'll gladly take the job." I smile up at Sarah, who looks relieved.

"Well that's good. Would you, would you like to go grab something to eat?" I nod happily and follow Sarah out. We eat at a small diner and catch up.

"So you're dating again?"

"Yeah. His name is Trevor. He's really sweet." Sarah's eyes drop and she smiles. "He proposed." My eyes widen.

"Congratulations! That's wonderful." Sarah grins at me and takes a sip of her coke.

"So, what about you? Any new hot thing chasing after you?" I stay quiet.

"No...um, but your proposal that's great! Terrific..." Sarah frowns.

"John. Hey John, look at me." I look up, Sarah's eyes are full of understanding, "You know he wouldn't have wanted you to grieve him for so long."

"I-I know Sarah its just...I can't move away from him. Now that he's gone...I just, feel like I have no purpose anymore. Like there's a giant hole in my chest that nothing can fill." Sarah grabs my hands tightly in hers.

"You know John, I think I've only ever heard that from a few people, one being my mom when my father died." She takes a deep breath and picks up our hands, "I know you must have loved him a lot but someday you will have to move on. If not for you for him." I'm too tired to say we weren't a couple and that I don't love him. I just allow her to scoot her chair next to mine and rub my back.

After our feelings fest I say good bye and head back to the flat. Mrs. Hudson is setting presents under the tree singing along to the telly.

"Ah, John just in time for dinner!"

"It's okay Mrs. Hudson, I just grabbed a bite with Sarah. I'll be heading to bed now."

"Okay sweetie, call if you need me." I nod and head to the familiar room.

Once tucked in and settled I think. And I think some more. I think until my head aches and begs me to stop. _Sherlock meant the world to me...but does that mean I love him? _I turn over and hug the pillow. _I loved him as family is all. I don't know what Sarah was prattling on about. We _were_ family._ _Sherlock and I, and Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade, Mycroft. We were all part of a big dysfunctional family. But a family none the less. That's why I'm grieving so long. And no one will tell me other wise. _

I sigh and pull the sheets up higher. For the sake of my sanity, I only hope I'll get better soon.

* * *

That day would hold all of the fateful events that would lead to a lovely disaster in which I'm currently situated. Even now I wonder how I was so ignorant, so ignorant is was almost bliss. As they say ignorance _is _bliss. But if not had those events that happened that day taken place I never would have found the missing piece. I never would've helped those people. My life would've ended.

Despite not being able to say now if my life will end one of these days, it irrefutably would have if not these actions have happened. The mystery wouldn't have been solved. But for now I guess this is all I can say as I am on a tight schedule. Upcoming events lines of dominoes, til finally one day the one is tipped knocking over the whole of it all. I guess for now I must leave this as it is now.

-_John Watson_

* * *

**Hello all. I've finally decided to right a Johnlock fic. And to be honest, I've currently gotten myself infatuated with it. As in I watched the show, the two newer movies, and am currently reading the books. If you thought, or think, that this story is good so far and you would like me to continue it be sure to let me know. Reviews are always welcomed. High fives for being absolutely in love with Benedict and Martin! Well I shall talk to you all again soon ~Keeblo**


	2. Backway Carnival

**The Memoirs of John Watson**

**~Backway Carnival**

* * *

The next 3 years go by in a blur. It was almost sickeningly domestic. Each day I would get up and go to the clinic at ten, meet with E'temoncé for an hour and a half, leave for lunch, go home, then any number of activities after that. Moncé had progressed quite splendidly, how I never saw, I'd only once seen Reggy. I met Liam a few times, a poor child he is, and along the way a new personality named Connor happened.

So far I have only seen Connor three times. He is a cunning bastard that loves to pull pranks and mess with your head. Aside from that I moved out of Sherlock's room and back to my own upstairs. The winter months came and went quickly. Almost too soon Moncé had ended therapy and summer was upon us.

My old partner in crime as well almost too soon went from my mind like a wrapper in the wind. Simply snagging on a branch for a moment before dislodging and once again being lost to blow through the wind. But that was not to be grieved for long as Sarah went into labor with her first child Amelia.

Sarah decided she wanted to be a house mother and see to her child and husband rather than spend gloomy days at the clinic. Her spot was quickly filled and my days grew relentless. And sure enough a week after Moncé had left I followed behind quickly.

Later we met up for dinner which turned into two then three. It was surprisingly simple, yet, it was never enough. Something always seemed like it was missing. Sure enough it is as plain as day to me now but I won't dwell. But soon it would all fall perfectly into place, all starting with an ice cream.

* * *

I groan and roll onto my stomach. Peeking an eye open I look at my bedside clock. 10: 14 AM. Of course even now when I'm not working I get up early. Rolling my eyes I stand up and stretch. _Then again,_ I walk to the bathroom with a clean set of clothes, _I am supposed to meet E'temoncé_ _today_. I take a quick shower and shave. Now that the weather is too warm for jumpers I go with a simple white tee shirt.

I walk back to my room and grab my wallet, keys, and phone. My shoes are already on by the time I get downstairs and grab a doughnut Mrs. Hudson had left on the counter for me.

_**I'm on my way -EO**_

**Same -JW **

I quickly slide my phone into my back pocket and leave the flat. The walk to the park is a relatively short one. The sun is up and the air is warm, streets bustle with people getting ready for the carnival, voices for many sweet and cool goods echo off of the buildings.

"John!" I snap my head to my left to see a familiar ginger in a white tee and green button up.

"Moncé. How have you been?" Green eyes look around carefully.

"Good, good...do you want to get some ice cream? I've been craving it for a while and I just spotted a stand with a decent line." I smile and nod.

"Of course." We cut through the grass and stand in line for ice cream.

"You look well." Moncé grins at me, freckles more prominent now in the summer months.

"As do you. Have you had any more breaks?"

"Ah John Watson, still being my doctor even when we're out on a casual date." We move forward, another couple in front of us.

"Date?"

"Yes my good man. I invited you out for a day of fun! I would consider this a date."

"Oh well," I clear my throat and smile, "a um, date it is then."

"Next." The ginger moves up to the counter with lanky grace.

"Hm these are all good choices but...um I'll go with the Superman flavor in a cone and, John what do you want?" I snap out of my daze and look at the flavors.

"I'll just have vanilla in a cup please."

"So boring." I can see green eyes roll, smiling a tad bit. "Here you go Mr. Boring. Now let us stroll." Moncé rests his right arm around my shoulders, moving us back to the sidewalk.

"Oh, look at that." I point to a man way ahead of us rollerblading, "Surely he'll bump into someone with his eyes closed like that."

"Yes possibly John, but what, do I dare say, shall we do when he falls rightly on his bum?" I grin up at Moncé who has biten off the top of his ice cream cone.

"I don't know Moncé, what _shall_ we do?" I snicker and finish my ice cream, tossing the cup into a bin.

"Pardon!" I look up just in time to see the guy on rollerblades come stumbling towards me. I reach out and grab his shoulders stilling him as he catches his breath.

"Are you okay?" The guy looks up.

"Yes, ah...yes. Sorry, um thanks." I watch chuckling a little as the guy starts roller blading away again.

"What did I say." Moncé shakes his head laughing and pulls me from the sidewalk to cross the street. He tugs us into a small deli. "I'm hungry for a sandwich." I stare amazed as green eyes study the menu board. The feeling of having a companion who eats everything compared to being forced to have coffee or toast.

"John?" A feminine voice greets my ears. I turn and spot the blonde in all of her glory.

"Sarah." I smile and take her into a brief embrace.

"It's so good to see you. Moncé too? It's a reunion!" Moncé turns around to greet Sarah as well.

"So what are you doing here?" Sarah smiles at the small brunette in her arms.

"Amelia wanted to have a snack. Do you want to hold her?" I nod and take the toddler.

"Hello Amelia. I haven't seen you for a long time! How are you?" I coo at the little girl. Moncé follows by running a long finger over the chubby girls cheeks eliciting a giggle.

"Mommy said we an get san'ich den we go to uh da flowa man who will give me a flowa!" Amelia giggles some more covering her face with pudgy fists.

"Oh really? Your mum and dad must be pretty nice then huh?" I smile and look up at Sarah. I frown some when I notice her face. She looks horrified with a frown and furrowed eyebrows. "Well how about I give you back to your mum and you can get your sandwich." Amelia squeals as I give her back to Sarah.

"Um honey why don't we go to the flower vendor? The line's probably gone down."

"But honey-"

"Trevor, please." Trevor nods and reaches out a hand. I take it and give a firm shake.

"Nice to meet you Dr. Watson." He smiles at me and Moncé before disappearing outside with his wife.

"Well that was odd." Moncé squeezes my shoulder lightly and smiles.

"Hey why don't we go back to my place em? No chance of getting struck by crazy rollerbladers or sidetracked by cute toddlers!" The ginger laughs finishing off his ice cream.

"You know what? Sure. Let's go." I smile as Moncé slings his arm over my shoulder again.

**0v0v0v0v0**

"Wow." I let out a small breath. Moncé's apartment is spacious and neat. The living room holds a white couch, a large telly, and glass doors to the balcony. To the right on the other side of me is the kitchen and dining room, both only separated by a line of counters. A single stair leading up to them.

"It's not much but it's what I have." Moncé sits on the couch and motions for me to follow. When I sit down he turns his body and rests his head in my lap. "So John," I look down, "how did you come by working at the clinic?"

"Well, I used to be an army doctor. And when I was sent back I worked there for a while. And I needed a job and Sarah needed a therapist so I agreed to work there." My fingers aimlessly mess with the orange curls splashed over my thighs.

"Aw, there must be some better back story! How did you even meet Sarah?" Moncé's green eyes look up expectantly.

"Well um, I...I was living and working with my um, my friend Sherlock. And we needed money so I took up the job because it was flexible considering the cases me and uh Sherlock did. And I met Sarah there. We went on a date but Sarah ended up getting kidnapped. Heh, some first date huh?" Moncé sits up abruptly and pulls me into his chest.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." He rubs my back in soothing circles. "But, I knew I've seen your face somewhere..." I pull away and frown.

"What are you talking about?" Moncé wipes his thumb on my cheek and shows it to me. A large drop of water sits on the pad. I reach up and feel the trails down my cheeks. "It's okay Moncé, you didn't know. Besides...all of that is in the past. No point dwelling on it huh?" The ginger nods slowly.

I smile at him for a moment. He stares at the couch, face blank. I reach out a hand to shake him when his eyes dart up, all traces of the ginger's excitement gone.

"Moncé?" I large hand shoots out and grabs my arm.

"Sh." I shut my mouth with an audible click. "He's coming." The gruff voice warns.

"What? Who?" Green eyes glare at me.

"Go. Call the police. Now."

"What? I don't understand." The hand on my bicep tightens.

"Zero." My eyes widen. I stand up in shock, stumbling back a few feet.

"John go, hurry." The feminine voice I've come to know whispers urgently. Suddenly Moncé's face is switching as the personalities switch.

"He's coming." Liam's soft dark voice.

"John call the police!" Nia.

"Go. Now." Reggy. The green eyes probe me. A bubble of gross laughter erupts from a twisted smile.

"He's coming Johnny boy." Connor manages to have me taking more steps back. "Here's the show stopper." That grin slowly turns down, green eyes darkening.

"…" My whole body freezes as he turns to me. He takes a small step forward then stops. I flinch.

I lick my dry lips with a dry tongue, "E-E'timoncé?" He turns away from me to look at the opened glass doors to the balcony. In a split second he has moved over to the ledge and turned to look at me. He gives one small dark smile and drops over the side.

"Sherlock!" The name rips out of my chest, the familiar falling body of the world's greatest consulting detective in the world flashing before my eyes. Moncé's shriek echos in the small room. The whole world seems to tilt as I race out of the room and down five flights of stairs, running out of the back exit to the crumpled form on the ground surrounded by a few people.

"Please, I'm a doctor...I'm a," my sentence trails off as I bend down to check for a pulse. "Quick somebody call an ambulance!" I look back down to the ginger, hair matted with red blood. "Please just, stay alive!" I grip his hand to my chest as sirens go off in the distance.

* * *

"Hey Sarah, what's up?" The brunette watches as his wife paces around the room digging through boxes and folders. She turns to look at him and sighs.

"It's nothing just, I don't know. Earlier when John was holding Amelia." Sarah looks at Trevor with a small frown.

"What about it?" He takes her hand in his and wraps an arm around her.

"It was just the cutest thing while John was holding her, but...then when Moncé started cooing her I just...I don't know." Sarah looks down still frowning.

"Well isn't he the personalities guy? I'm not surprised you were a little paranoid." She leans into her husband more as he rubs her back.

"No it's not that. I know he's gotten a better grip on it. I don't know what it was but, just _seeing_ John like that with him was just...it's hard to explain. It just seemed so wrong." Trevor looks down at her with raised eyebrows.

"Sweetheart you know there's nothing wrong with gay couples."

"I know! It's just John and E'timoncé, it seemed wrong! Something, something though looked right." Sarah looked around shaking her head when she saw it. She bends over some to pick up the old newspaper.

Trevor takes the paper and looks at it. A sudden realization passes over his features.

"Oh! Yes I agree, these two definitely look more... _right_ together than that ginger and the doctor." Sarah takes the paper and runs a thumb over the picture.

"Sherlock...even when I was dating John and he had basically took John from me, I always knew that I wasn't meant for John. And now I know why." Sarah looked at Trevor for a moment before smiling, "It's just sad knowing John never see what they had." Trevor rubs her shoulder soothingly.

Sarah jumps slightly as her phone goes off. She picks it up and paces around the room, a frown etching deeper and deeper onto her features.

"What? When...Okay okay just, breath John...Okay...yeah...Okay I'll be over in five minutes." She hangs up eyebrows knitted together.

"What was that?" Trevor stands to tilt his wife's chin up.

"Moncé is at the hospital. He fell from his apartment window. I have to go okay." She pleads with her eyes that for once her husband listens to her.

"Okay, okay I understand. I'll stay here and look after 'melia. Be safe okay." Sarah nods and grabs her jacket on the way out.

**0v0v0v0v0**

"John?" John stands up from the bench when he spots Sarah. "Oh John I'm so sorry." She hugs him tightly and rubs his back. "What happened?" Sarah walks them over to the bench and sits down, John following suit.

"We were talking and suddenly Reggy tells me _he's_ coming and I was confused. He switched so quickly. I saw them _all _Sarah. In a matter of seconds then," John takes a deep breath, "Zero. I saw Zero. He moved towards me before going over to the balcony and falling off of the side." Sarah listens carefully as John tells the story.

"Oh my- I'm so sorry John." John leans into her touch, looking forlorn.

"Sarah...can I ask you something? Professionally and personally?"

"Yeah, yeah anything." Sarah looks worriedly at John, squeezing his arm reassuringly.

"Well," John takes in a breath, "I, um, I feel awful. I...when he fell, when Moncé fell...I yelled out Sherlock's name. A-and earlier I was um, crying. Because we were talking about Sherlock but when I got to his body, I- I didn't cry. And I just feel like a _monster_ for this. Sarah I don't know what's wrong with me." A few warm tears slide down John's cheeks to the linoleum floor below.

"Well John, my professional view would be this: You had a major trauma and this accident definitely was like the other one which may have caused you to have a relapse into the frame of mind when Sherlock um...fell. Now from my personal view I think this is normal. You cared very much for Sherlock. You basically relied on him as he did for you. Of course if you were just a little bit more emotional over losing someone like that in your life. That one person only comes around once in a life time and yours was ripped from you. It's normal to have these feelings." John stands up and paces before turning back to Sarah.

"It's funny you know because, um, I believe I've said it before but Sherlock and I weren't a couple. There was nothing more than just being friends! And you know what, I did love Sherlock, he was family to me. But he had to jump off that roof..." John laughs hollowly. "I'm going for a walk." Sarah stands and watches John speed down the hall.

She sighs.

"You'll find out someday John. And I promise to be there when you truly see what you've lost." She smiles sadly and sits back down on the bench to wait to see Moncé.

* * *

I rub an eye a little as I exit the hospital. Why did this all have to happen to me? I could've just stayed and gotten killed in Afghanistan or something. But nope. I had to get injured and shipped back to London to end up happier than I've ever been then lose it all. Lose it right in front of my eyes.

Sighing, I begin to walk down the pavement when a sleek black car pulls up. A army cut man steps out and holds the door open to reveal a red headed woman inside.

"Get in the car John."

"What? Why. Mycroft has no reason to talk to me. And even if he did I refuse to see him!" The woman looks up, white contacts covering her eyes and making them glow menacingly in the blue light of her phone.

"John get in the car. If you don't," she goes back to tapping on her phone, "the hospital gets blown to smithereens." My heart skips a beat and I surge forward clambering into the seat. The man follows suit and slams the door shut.

Suddenly the car rattles as something explodes behind us.

"You said!"

"You took too long." I attempt to turn and look but the man presses a white cloth to my nose. A sweet smell burns down my nose, turning more pungent and painful as I breath more. Black dots my vision before I pass out.

**0v0v0v0v0v0**

When I wake up I'm sitting in a wooden chair. But not tied down. Just. Sitting. I attempt to stand but the world shifts under my feet. I fall back into the chair holding my head.

"John, how _nice _of you to stop by." Shivers run down my spine as the teasing hollow voice lights up my senses. I flinch and try to calm the oncoming migraine. "How are you doing? Jeremy may have used a little more chloroform than needed. You were out for some time." The voice is closer now. I turn my head in an attempt to keep it away from me.

"Hello John." I open my eyes to the voice and stare.

"Y-you're the man from,"

"Yes. The rollerblader who bumped into you earlier. Did you like how your little friend reacted to the cologne I put in your pocket?" My head lolls to one side.

"What are you talking about?" My face is yanked forward roughly, steel grey eyes piercing into mine.

"When I ran into you. I slipped _this_," the man pulls out what looks to be a small plastic disk from my pocket, "into your pocket and all I had to do was wait until your friend freaked." I shake my head.

"I don't understand-"

"Your friend doctor! Be more intelligent than that, THINK. Your little buddy had an abusive childhood. His father used to wear this cologne, it _triggers_ him into having episodes." The man stops and runs his fingers through his slicked back hair.

"You caused that? You bastard!" I attempt to stand again, but still feel nauseous.

"Of course of course, now I brought you here for a special reason Johnny boy." I glare but say nothing. "I need you to do something for me alright?" silver eyes move back to me.

"And if I don't do it?" I bite out. He looks amused.

"At the carnival in a weeks time, I will blow everyone sky high. You'll be in awe over the amount of bodies falling upwards." I grimace and shut my mouth. "Good boy. Now you'll have this so we can communicate," he pulls out a small device and pops it into my right ear," if you so much as think about it I'll blow that square okay." He grins darkly and paces back to the door. "You have a week John. Don't be late." He opens the door and turns. "Oh and the name's Craigafer, Craigafer Lance. Ta ta for now." And with that he leaves.

My head throbs dully. In my pocket my phone goes off. I answer it and put it up to my ear.

"John? Oh thank god you're okay! Where are you?" I stand slowly and take deep breaths.

"I'm fine Sarah just a little," I stop at the door and breathe, "woozy. What happened. Are you guys okay?" I can hear lots of noise from the other end as I walk down the empty hall.

"We're okay. A small building behind the hospital blew up right after you left. We thought you got hurt!" I gladly take the lift down to the first floor, sounds of people and sirens from the other end.

"Well I should be there soon. It's okay Sarah." Silence from the other end, then.

"Okay. Just, be careful okay John." I nod forgetting she can't see me.

"Yeah, yes okay. I'll see you soon."

"Bye."

"Bye." I press the end button and shove my phone into my pocket.

**0v0v0v0v0**

"_Oh John, I haven't heard from you all week_." I freeze for a moment, my eyes on the telly unfocusing for a second.

"John?" Moncé looks at me with round eyes.

"Sorry." I say to both, rubbing Moncé's shoulder underneath the sling. His arm possibly saved his life. On the third floor balcony a clothes line had wrapped around his arm and slowed his fall, dislocating his shoulder in the process, then caught in one of the trees, unraveling to where he fell barely ten feet to the ground and rolled to his position when I got to him. A dislocated shoulder and a few cracked ribs. A much better fare than death.

"_Now John I'm sure you know what day it is correct." _I clear my throat to simulate an agreement. "_Good, tonight you and your friend will go to the carnival." _I glance over to Moncé.

"Hey, do you want to do something tonight? I mean you've been out of the hospital for a week and the carnival's tonight. Sound like fun?" I hold my breath as I await an answer.

"Sure! Perfect to get my mind off of some stuff." I breathe a sigh of relief.

"_Oh you're such a good boy Johnny. Be there at 8 tonight. Before the fireworks. I'll see you soon." _The microphone crackles into silence. _Today's going to be bloody awful, _I think grimly.

**0v0v0v0v0v0**

"John! Let's get cotton candy." Moncé grins at me widely. I smile back and nod.

"Okay."

"_Find a reason to leave and go to the alley way behind you and go through the green door." _I jump a little and nod stiffly.

"Hey um, I've got to use the loo. I'll be back in a moment you wait in line." Moncé nods and moves forward. I look down as I walk down the alley and through the aforementioned green door. I take a few steps in before a cloth is pressed firmly to my face.

"Rise and shine Johnny boy, the fun's about to begin!" I groan and open my eyes. I'm in a small storage room, desks cluttered with old papers around me. To my left a small window is opened to view the entire carnival area.

Suddenly the speakers in the ceiling crackles to life. A voice sounding like one of the carnival vendors trying to get people to play their game.

"Hello, hello, hello. Welcome all to our new spectacular game. Now I know you're all excited but we have to lay down some rules! Rule one: You have ten minutes to find John. Rule Two: If you don't find him in time the carnival goes boom. John goes boom too. The last and final rule is this: Sherlock. Your time starts now." The speaker turns off to leave behind carnival music.

I attempt to see if the bounds are loose and frown. Tighter than tight. Behind me something beeps fast. I turn my head and see a heart rate monitor. Looking down I see multiple plugs on my chest and begin to panic. The heart rate monitor picks up, something next to the window beeping as well. The bomb. I try to calm myself, heart rate going down some. The ticking on the bomb quiets.

"So that's how they're doing it..." I take care to breathe deeply through my nose. A timer on the wall blinks red, counting down. Slowly the numbers tick down and down and down. I begin to panic some when it hits 60 seconds, taking care to breathe deeply.

"Hurry hurry, time is running out Sherlock." The speaker crackles off. I scream towards the ceiling and rest my head on the back of the chair. My eyes squeeze shut tightly.

10...9...8...7...6...5...4-

Suddenly the door is thrown open and a familiar form stands in front of me.

"Ah, so you found him. Good job, but now I must take my leave. Ta ta for now." The laughter cuts off leaving Sherlock and I alone in the quiet.

"John!" Sherlock jumps forward to undo my bounds. Behind me the heart rate monitor beeps faster and faster followed by the rising sound of the bomb. It only takes Sherlock a moment to realize what it all means and stops. "Shh, shh, John look at me." I look into his familiar eyes, heart stuttering for a second. Sherlock's eyes flick to the monitor then back to me.

"Breathe. Close your eyes and listen to my voice." I do as he says and take deep breathes. "Good. Now remember. We're at the pool, you have a bomb strapped to your chest and a red dot is on my head. You must stay calm and collected or else Moriarty will kill us both yes?" I nod my head furiously and remember that time 4 years ago. "Good, keep breathing." I can feel movement beside me and crack an eye open. Sherlock picks up the bomb and throws it out of the window to the river below.

We look at each other for a moment. Soon fingers are untying the ropes, gripping my face and arms.

"S-Sherlock I, you, how?"

"Later John. Right now I must know, are you _okay?_" I nod, clinging to his suit sleeves for dear life.

* * *

Sherlock looks at John for another moment trying to read him. John clambers forward and wraps his arms around Sherlock's torso, choking out violent sobs. For a second Sherlock stands there unsure of what to do before pressing his hands into John's back and rubbing circles into the bunching material.

"It's okay John. John stop that it's unbecoming. You're soaking my suit. _John."_ John sniffles but keeps his grip on Sherlock.

"Yes?" His voice is muffled due to his face being pressed into the taller's chest.

"Are you okay?" Sherlock's voice is soft now. John looks up and nods.

"How did you find me?" Sherlock squirms out of John's grasp and walks to the window.

"I was following you." John looks at his friends back for a moment, confused. "Before you ask why. I was following you because of the man. The ginger. I've been watching you for a while. I don't like him. That guy you spend all your time with." Sherlock turns then to look at John, some unknown emotion conveyed in his eyes.

John shakes his head and steps to hug Sherlock again. "The funny thing is," he chuckled, "is I don't even care. I'm just too happy to care right now." Sherlock sighs and pets John's head.

"John?" A tall man with a mop of orange curls bounds into the room. John removes himself from Sherlock surprised.

"Moncé?"

"John! I'm so glad you're okay!" Moncé steps forward to wrap John in a warm embrace. Sherlock steps forward too, glaring and inspecting the ginger. When the two break apart Moncé looks at Sherlock confused.

"You," Sherlock puts a hand to his chin, "I've been watching you." The ginger frowns and looks to John, who in turn is frowning at Sherlock.

"Sherlock if you're about to don't even." Sherlock disregards the statement with a wave of his hand and looks Moncé in the eye.

"Despite being here there's something..." Sherlock scrutinizes the ginger with his gaze, "you are indeed relieved John is okay but not in the way you've been leading on. While John," Sherlock waves his hand in John's direction, "feels the same. But you, oh you. You're in a relationship with someone...peculiar. They've told you to keep a watch on John. But you do care for him as shown by how quick you found him. Now who the person is..."

"Oh darling you are too good for your own good." A familiar voice echos in the room sending shivers down both Sherlock and John's spines. Reflexively John steps back to stand in front of Sherlock. "Aw so sweet, even after 4 years John still has to protect his friend." Moncé turns around grinning.

"Hey babe." Moncé tugs the person into the room and places a kiss to their lips.

"Moriarty." John and Sherlock mumble at the same time. John turns, dizzy, and sits back in the chair.

"This is too much! What's next, Irene Adler coming back from the dead too?" John throws his hands up in the air. Sherlock gives him a wary glance.

"Oh but John I wasn't ever dead! You're little Sherlock here was so worried for you he didn't even check my body to see if I was really dead. Mm, yes it was a wonderful show to put on!" Moriarty waves his hands about grinning. John grins tiredly and leans back, allowing the darkness to wash over him. He slumps into the chair slowly.

Sherlock turns and presses his fingers to the other's neck to check for a pulse. A deep thrum has him breathing out a sigh of relief. He turns around to glare at two people he has grown to dislike very much.

"Oh Sherlock don't give me that look! I'm not here for you or your adorable pet this time!" Moncé playfully slaps Moriarty's shoulder who in turn sticks his tongue out. After a moment he looks back to Sherlock with a thoughtful look on his face. "No not this time...for now I'm here to see an old friend of mine. One who seems to have taken a fancy to the doctor here. After we both faked our deaths I was planning, but caught wind of my old pal's plans and decided to help out. I mean, what game of chess is a game without the queen?" Moriarty snickers and steps closer, hand outstretched.

"Will you join me in this game Sherlock?"

* * *

**Oh my god what is wrong with me?! Of course though, what sherlock fic is a good fic without the worlds best and most loved villain? So yes, I brought him back. AND I didn't want John to be with Moncé** **so I had to bring back Jim for him :3 I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Shout out to ****Anonymously Gorgeous**** , ****Bella-Watson Holmes**** , and especially to ****SeverusDmitri18**** for follows, favorites, and that review which made me smile! :) Have a wonderful day my kittens ~Keeblo PS:Lines = change in POV the little thingies = lapse in time**


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